


Story Never Told

by DevilRed03



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24067705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilRed03/pseuds/DevilRed03
Summary: There’s one story that I’ve never really told – bits and pieces of it would be woven into chapters that belong to other elaborate tales I’ve been courageous enough to write, but never as its own book.My story about this incredible journey I’ve been on.The most incredible journey called love.I think now is as good a time as any to start.I think I’m ready to tell this story.
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

For so long I thought the best way to get things out was to tell simply tell stories. I told a lot of stories – stories about different fandoms I liked, stories with a drink in hand and the truth becoming blurred in the same manner my words were slurred. Stories about cherished people who lay in eternal slumber. Stories that made everyone laugh or cheer, stories that bring about glassy eyes, stories that have people raving for more.

And I love it, every single moment of it.

But…

There’s one story that I’ve never really told – bits and pieces of it would be woven into chapters that belong to other elaborate tales I’ve been courageous enough to write, but never as its own book.

My story about this incredible journey I’ve been on.

The most incredible journey called love.

I think now is as good a time as any to start.

I think I’m ready to tell this story.


	2. Chapter 2

We met when I was 26.

You were younger than I was, but I saw the old soul that went well with mine. You were like a flash of rain in the middle of a spring day, that warm feeling painted along my skin from the rain drops that glistened in the sun that still shone.

I welcomed every bit of it, because for a while there I felt like I was surviving out in a barren tundra and I felt numb from the blistering cold.

It was a simple spark that re-lit a fire I thought was long gone.

I want to thank you for helping me realize that it is possible to fall in love again despite all the things I’ve seen in the past.

You were late night whispers while tangled up in my bed sheets, home felt like you sleeping next to me.

Driving to your apartment at midnight to meet the new kitten you rescued and giving me the honor of naming her.

Taking that extra hour just to run a Starbucks drink straight to your work just to show how much I cared about you.

Staying up all night listening to music in my car.

I felt like I was 16 again.

I meant it when I said ‘I love you’ – but sometimes I wonder if I simply said it because I decided to keep up the idea of being a teenager that knew nothing of the decade’s worth of experience that I had lived through.

I wanted to take that reckless chance again because that fire you sparked was catching wildly around me and I enjoyed it.

It blinded me to see how selfish you were with me. How you compartmented me from the rest of your life when I tried teaching you about all the faults and aspects within mine. I tried to be patient and give you what I thought you needed, telling myself that everything will pay off if I just kept supporting you and not asking for much in return other than for you to care about me.

But baby, actions speak much louder than words.

We fought on your birthday because I wanted to spend it with you and your friends, you didn’t want me to come along – so I gave you that space.

I needed a place to stay because I was getting ready to embark a new and challenging aspect of my life that would propel me to new heights within my military career that I am absolutely passionate about. You didn’t want me staying with you, even if it was only for a week at most.

I needed a listener to hear me out from the troubles of the day, I realize you were paying me lip service and your words were shallow.

Then, when I needed you most, you wanted a break. That was the line that broke me.

So I called it off. You cried and I hated it. I hated how despite all these things going on, I was still clinging on to the idea of us, I hated how much it hurt you to hear me say let’s break it off.

I kissed you goodbye, you kissed me back, and all at once you shoved me away and said to my face that I wanted the break up.

I watched you storm off back to your apartment.

It was so fucking late at night, I spent all day training since 4am and still made the effort to come see you – but you didn’t understand the weight of my actions.

I drove back to base white-knuckled, I still had months left in classes and training, and I had another 4am training event the next day. The day after that I had to get on a plane and head out to DC for more academic training. Then when I got back I had an evaluation that I had to pass. I kept going through the laundry list of shit I had to trudge through in order to graduate like a mantra to keep myself from running my car off the road.

I barely slept and I didn’t pass my event, I almost got kicked out of the course for that absolute fuck up.

But I told myself that I wasn’t going to let you take this away from me, so I endured in all the ways I could and held it together.

I pushed down the hurt and pain of you by devouring training scenario after training scenario, I drowned as much as I could in alcohol and nicotine so that I wouldn’t think about your taste on my lips.

You made me stronger. You made me realize what I needed to really look for.

You gave me warmth when I needed it the most.

Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

I met you right before I turned 22.

3 years together, 3 happy and incredible years.

I knew your ring size.

You were like gravity, in the way that we made perfect sense being together. We personified Newton’s law of universal gravitation where everything in the universe is attracted by some kind of force. You were that force that kept me going, kept me pushing through with so much joy.

You were sunshine on a humid summer day as we floated down the James River together.

Your patience was a blessing to me, you took the time to try and figure me out in order to make me happy. Your love answered my prayers I’d shout out to sky when I would be alone. You melded so well against me and it reminded me of what I learned in high school about the ancient Greeks – the Gods thought us too powerful when together, so they split us apart so that we may forever wander this earth in search of our missing halves.

I went to your college graduation and I felt so damn proud watching you put on your gown. I smile fondly when I think about how vividly I still remember that day.

Staying up late at night so that we can play video games together – I still have our old Minecraft save files… sometimes I’ll boot those up and wander around that town we built together. The bases we built a comfortable life around. The adventures we’d go on that was fueled by chips, candy, and soda.

You cradled between my legs as we played on my PS4.

You were passionate about your team. I’d go out dutifully every chance I got to watch you play out on the field. Going to tournaments hours and hours away just so I could sit on the sidelines and watch and cheer you on.

I did it because I loved the way you looked when you were getting into something you love.

Holidays were spent with your family – I’ll never forget your mother confiding in me that she was scared of the day that I was going to take you away, I told your mother I’d do my best to ensure you had everything you deserved, everything you needed…. All of that and so much more.

We made plans for you to visit my family, but I only ever saw them once a year because of how far my hometown was. Our schedules never matched up in order for you to stay with me for the three weeks I always went out there for. 

We argued, but nothing that was every like a bomb going off. When we fought, it was a slow simmer that quietly steamed between the two of us. Gradually boiling each other alive until the other caved.

I was wild and unpredictable, still am, and you were a chaotic energy that meshed well with mine, but you were still stable in the sense you were a constant. Despite how hectic or cluttered your schedule was, how erratic your habits could be, I grew accustomed to it and it became my solid ground that I could keep my sure footing on.

You would tease me whenever I would get a little too out of control. You knew how to reel me back in to my senses.

You held me when I got news of a close friend passing, I cried against your shoulder within your embrace. Every time I thought the tears wouldn’t stop, I’d think of your hands on my head, on my back, on my cheek… you telling me you were there for me.

You made me feel whole.

I think I could’ve spent the rest of my life with you and it would have been a good one.

But there was so many uncertainties… I wanted you, as selfishly as possible, I wanted you with me.

I wanted to take you along when I had to leave because I was going to get stationed somewhere else.

Before I left, I had one last six-month tour overseas and then I was would be moving some place brand new.

And I was intent on taking you with me.

Because we made sense.

And then we didn’t.

You cheated.

I was hurt.

But I still wanted you. I wanted to work through this, because we were like gravity.

We were so much more like gravity than I realized, because when we crashed, we burned with such a destructive force.

You didn’t want to leave. You said it was selfish for me to ask you to uproot your life at home to go along with me. You brought up the ‘what if’s that I said we could work through. I said it so confidently because I thought we had a solid relationship, because I thought we knew each other well enough, because I thought we could make it out together like bandits on the run.

I realized that you didn’t want me, not in the same way I wanted you. You didn’t want to build a life that involved us working together to make our own happy home. You didn’t want to live like bandits out in the wild with me.

You didn’t see a home in me. Not in the way I saw a home in you.

I wasn’t enough for you. I wasn’t worth the sacrifice. I told you I knew what it was like to sacrifice damn near everything for what you wanted. I told you that you wouldn’t be alone. I told you that the world was meant to be travelled and explored and I wanted you to be with me for every step.

I wasn’t enough.

I was a mess. Going to my new base I was a mess.

I didn’t feel whole.

I felt so cold.

I loved you. More than you’ll ever realize. I loved you so damn much.

Everything be damned – I fucking loved you.


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter is for the ones that spent a bit of time with me. Despite how short our times together were, you made me feel like I wasn’t completely alone in the world.

For entertaining my cheesy one-liners I’ve stolen out of bad romcom movies.

For letting me follow you to the dance floor and letting our bodies handle the conversations.

For whimsical dates that took us wandering around town hand-in-hand while talking about everything and nothing.

For memorable nights.

For all the times you called me beautiful.

For all the times you held my gaze like I was the last person on earth.

For all the times you made me smile.

You gave me a glimmer of hope whenever I felt like giving up. You gave me a reason to believe that there was something more out there waiting for me to discover.

Your cotton candy lips pressed against mine which melts by the time morning light comes.

You made me happy in those evergreen moments.


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter is an apology that will never be heard by the ones who deserve it.

I’m not a saint. I will never claim to be one.

I’m sorry.

To you for leading you on by paying lip service of a bright tomorrow, I just wanted attention to keep me going when I felt lonelier than usual.

To you for calling you beautiful and then leaving the party with someone else on my arm.

To you for going after the one you had feelings for at the time. I’m reckless, I enjoy thrills from time to time and the thrill of chasing something that’s forbidden is one of the best rushes. I think it’s amazing that you’ve forgiven me for my past transgressions and you’ve stayed by myside as a loyal friend. You have and still are a precious person to me and I’ve vowed to never do something that atrocious to you (or anyone) again.

To you for saying ‘I love you’ and not meaning it. I was young and I thought I knew what I was doing. I lied to you so many times and I want you to know that all the things I had done to you are lessons that I have burned to my heart. I hurt you the most. I should have been honest with you from the start, that I wanted to fly free on wings that I had just discovered. I wanted to live wildly and make questionable decisions.

But I never should have hurt anyone like that. I murdered a piece of you and I buried it beneath ten feet of concrete before I ran away.

And finally, to you that I kissed and promised to steal away… only to realize that you were a mistake made in the heat of the moment. I’m sorry I ran away with no explanation.

I apologize for hurting you.


	6. Chapter 6

We first met when I was 14.

My high school played yours during JV basketball, we won, but I’ll never forget meeting you. You hated me because I crossed you on the court and made you look like a fool. I didn’t look at you after because I was sneering, my face is just in perpetual ‘resting bitch face’ mode. I looked at you for so long because I wasn’t sure if I should go help you up and apologize, but my teammates cheered me on for the move so I went along with them.

We met again when I was 16.

I went to your school’s spring dance. You pushed my shoulder and accused me of being ‘that one jerk’ on the court during the game. I smiled and apologized. You said you weren’t one for dances. I asked you why you were there. You said it was because of your friends. I understood what you meant by that. You danced with me for some of the night.

You hugged me goodbye afterwards.

I wanted to see you again, but going to different high schools made things difficult.

But after that night there was an undeniable spark. Somewhere a wheel started turning to propel our lives forwards together on this twisted path.

I left home when I was 18.

You started dating one of our mutual friends, though it was short-lived. We kept in touch through pictures posted online by other people or random comments on social media.

I came back home when I was 20.

We met again when I was 20.

I fell in love with you when I was 20. I fell in love for the first time when I was 20.

Our first kiss was tinged by the sweet taste of fruit punch and a bitterness that comes from the burn of alcohol. I held you in my arms the way the earth holds up the night sky that has the moon cradled within. You were a force that forever changed my outlook on life. You were the true start of this great journey.

I could write chapters about each kiss. Novels about our time together. But any words I write or say will never truly encompass what it meant to be in love with you.

Time spent with you meant kissing you like a princess in front of that castle at Disneyland.

Taking walks with down the beach as the surf chased our footsteps. Me tugging at your hand to bring you closer for a kiss. And then us tripping over into the crashing waves together. Your sweet lips covered by the ocean spray while beaming so brightly at me with your smile.

Looking forward to every time I went home. Making those bitter kiss goodbyes worth the wait for the sweet relief of our reunion.

On nights that I can’t sleep, I wonder what life might have been like if I didn’t leave home. Usually I’m staring at the moon when I think about that. About us. About what we could have been.

You tried so hard for me. I tried so hard for you. To make this work. To make the thousands of miles that spanned between us seem close.

Hours spent on Skype together, watching movies together on Netflix. Countless times I spent my lunch hour on the phone with you – it was morning where you were around that time. Playful jokes and listening to the other talk about everything and anything. I would be eating a sandwich in my car while you had a plate of eggs and toast with jam at your house.

Even though the distance is what killed us the most, I still miss it.

Because I knew that 3000 miles away from me, you were waiting. Because I knew that 3000 miles away was where my heart was.

When we fought, it would be a two-hour phone call of us going back and forth before one of us hung up. But never did we ever go to sleep without one of us calling the other right as we laid in bed.

I was honest because you made me want to be honest. You made me want to be better for you. You made me want to be better for me.

You made me fall in love with pieces of myself that I never knew existed.

I remember waking up to voicemails from you sometimes. My heart would always sink to the abyss when I would her your voice wavering and cracking – professing how much you missed me and wished I could be there. I could picture you crying out on the curb, phone to your ear while the other clutched the matching bracelet we got together. Calling out for me while an entire continent separated us.

I remember waking up to voicemails of you saying how much you loved me. How lucky you were to have me in your life.

I’d always call you back and tell you that I’m the lucky one.

Sometimes I’ll dream of the last time you were waiting for me in the airport terminal. We both couldn’t run to each other fast enough. You jumped into my arms and I fell over, but I held onto you as if you were going to disappear at any moment. I could still feel your tears against my neck and the sigh of relief once your nose pressed to my shoulder.

We were in love, we were persistent, but we were realistic.

We fell apart so beautifully.

But god damn did it hurt.

It took a week for the fact to settle in, but when it did it was as if the abyss itself opened up from beneath my feet and swallowed me whole.

And for the first time I realized that I left a part of myself with you, a part that’s never coming back. In between holding hands on drives along the golden coast, splashing between the break of each wave, watching the city lights on an old mountain road, falling asleep on the phone when the sun came up, going somewhere quiet to listen to music while laying down in the back of my pick-up, and slow dancing in the middle of a crowded ice rink – somewhere between all these moments I gave a part of me to you.

And in exchange, you gave a piece of yourself to me. A piece that that I’ve kept safe through the passing of the years.

You went along your way and I went along mine.

You were my moon, beautiful and distant, outshining all else it surrounds. Watching over me while I stand outside smoking a cigarette to calm my demons.

And I was like the earth, your steady rock, your home whenever you were between my arms.

Like the earth and the moon, they don’t always see each other. Only coming together as two wholes for a precious few moments, before time moves these astronomical beings along their orbit.

We came back together, but not in the way we were before… we can never be as we were before.

I was 24 when I flew back home and found the strength to see you again.

And you welcomed me back home.

Now we’ll talk for a while at two in the morning when we both can’t sleep at night.

Every time I’m home it’s become ritual that we spend at least a meal together. And with every meal I’ll ask if we can go somewhere for dessert. And after dessert you’ll ask if we can get coffee or tea. And all of a sudden it’s four in the morning and we’ve been in some parking lot talking for the longest time.

You’ll tell me about your relationship, the longest one that’s still going strong at the time of me writing this.

I’ll tell you about a relationship, if I’m in one at the time, or I’ll tell you about my latest heartbreak. You always seem to be able to say the things I need to hear, whether or not it’s nice, you don’t give a damn.

I must confess though, I do get a kick out of the rare occasion of your current relationship getting jealous of us still talking.

The first time I said ‘I love you’ it was over the phone and you had called me at two in the morning crying hysterically while your sister texted me to please talk to you. You both had gone out drinking and you started thinking about me and then you went outside to get away.

I said it because I knew at that moment that I wanted you. I wanted all of you. Your smile. Your laugh. You waiting in a terminal for me to get off that plane. You calling me as soon as I got off work. You texting me whenever something interesting, no matter how small it seemed, happened. You crying on the phone wishing I were there. You arguing with me when I did something idiotic. I wanted all of it.

The first time you said ‘I love you’, it was after I said it. The next time I came home you took me out to celebrate all the holidays we missed. We celebrated my birthday that day too since we missed it. You asked me what I wished for. I wouldn’t tell you. Then you said you loved me.

To this day I still love you. I still stand by what I said before to you. That I’ll be here whenever you need someone to talk to, to lean on, to rely on if you need it.

And you told me the same.

I don’t know if we’ll ever be like those two kids so in love with each other, so young, so unknowing of what life had in store, and so strong together. Brave enough to try. Brave enough to be the best. Brave enough to struggle until the end.

What I do know is that without all these things happening since we first met until now, I wouldn’t be the same person that’s still in your life.

And I like this person I’ve become a lot.

And I like the person you’ve become a lot too.

I love you.


	7. Chapter 7

That's the journey so far. 

I've met a lot of people. 

Some I was ready to make a part of my life. Others I held on when I didn't need. 

And one that I've kept by some miraculous act from above. 

I hope I can find someone like her. Or at least made me feel the way she did. Even if it's a fraction of it. 

Because that... that's something special. 


End file.
